The Slippery Slope

Dear lanky,

Like handshakes, house pets, or raw poo, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable viol , I am afraid that grankle, lockenhiem, and moony Balding run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up--and down the bum--a range of strange and distressing mountains. In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a poo, a deceitful M.A.P, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a excrement covered toilet dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible skiddidi bop.

Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate your-self to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.

With no due respect,

Lemon nicket