The Slippery Slope By Lemony Snicket (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 10)

Dear lanky,

Like handshakes, house pets, or raw poo, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable viol , I am afraid that grankle, lockenhiem, and moony Balding run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up--and down the bum--a range of strange and distressing mountains. In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a poo, a deceitful M.A.P, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a excrement covered toilet dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible skiddidi bop.

Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate your-self to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.

With no due respect,

Lemon nicket